HOME
J.Michael Kelly, Resume
Articles, By J. Michael Kelly
NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS
Preeminent Attorneys
Child Custody / Visitation
Child Support
Paternity Suit
Lawyer Excuses
CA Divorce Instructions
Divorce Seminars
Client Questionaire
Entertainment Execs.
Evil People in Divorce
Domestic Violence
CA Divorce Law
CA Divorce Case Law
Southern Gentleman
High Performance
Professional Pages
E-Mail: admin@cfli.com

CONTACT US NOW

Cloaking: Human Predators in a Divorce:
By J. Michael Kelly, Esq.

It is essential to utilize specific terminology when speaking about a specific event, or when thinking about it.

When you use soft words; words that are warm and fuzzy; words that are not deadly accurate in their descriptive capacity, you will deteriorate your ability to conceptualize what actions you should take.

Individuals who are generous of spirit, or non-confrontational in nature stay that way because their concept of meeting confrontation is usually insufficient to either save them, or make them effective in dealing with confrontation, disagreement or aggression.

Human predators of all kinds are excellent at cloaking their true motives and true direction.

They do this by using soft words and by never acknowledging exactly what it is that they want, or where it is that they are going, until they have achieved their objectives until it is too late to reverse their encroachment or predatory intentions.

The average human being becomes prey because they do not identify a predator quick enough. And the predator of humans in business transactions, manipulations, emotional transactions and relationships is effective because they never show their true colors. They are effective because they do not.

It is exactly like the answer I got from a herpetologist, or an expert in snakes a long time ago. The question is:

"Why is it that we are able to see a large snake crawling across an open lawn towards a bird or an animal, and not see the animal move to escape."

The herpetologist further said:

"that the snake is pushing its head straight forward and the animal never gets significant motion from the head itself, first.

Secondly, since the head is very low to the ground, the animal has no idea about the size of the animal moving towards them; and third, they have no idea about the deadly nature of the encounter they are about to have."

It's like cloaking.

When I thought about that in conjunction with my own review of appropriate action or protection or defense responses to threatening circumstances, such as a divorce, I find that the specific description of what someone does, as long as you are of average intelligence, will save you far more than anything else in the world.

That includes money, children, relationships, time, and your own perception of your own effectiveness.

It all comes out of being extremely precise in how you identify exactly what an individual wants, or the direction they are taking. It requires that you ask, that you not move off of your question until they are solved to the "Nth" degree in a very meticulous fashion.

If you hear any inconclusive language like

"I will get to it later." "I'll explain it later." "I'm not doing much, just a few things." "I have some stuff to do."

If you look at the non-specificity of the above listed phrases (more to be added later), you will see how individuals effectively mask what they are doing.

Human predators also create a false sense of friendship and intimacy which further deteriorates an individual's desire to ask hard questions, because the average individual is concerned that they would not be liked, or that they would appear to be not trusting, or that they would appear to be a cynical individual.

My instructions in this circumstance are that it is your job to maintain your personal boundaries and standards of acquiring information sufficient to do something or to not do something, or to plan, trust or hope.

Trusting and hoping in future plans are all based on future plans, effective strategies, effective goals, effective tactics, and effective goal acquisition are all based on accurate assessment of exactly where you are the moment before you plan pro-active future tactical, strategic or logistic moves.

In the analysis of failures of battles, football games, in business, including an error of assumption as monumental as that the American public is willing to continue to buy large gas-guzzling cars in the early 1970's that cost trillions of dollars in gross national product loss in this country.

You may rest assured that the incorrect present assessment of the present circumstances that you are in, and the motives of the person or business or companies or organizations that you are dealing with; the intestinal fortitude, personal strength and your own personal stand that will require you to ask the question until the questions are answered adequately and are verified.

Many successful frauds cloak their activities by glibly answering difficult questions, and that is deemed as being sufficient by the inexperienced. This is fatal, especially in a divorce setting.

If you realize that what you are dealing with in present assessment, or target acquisition, is the success of your future, then the self-imposed requirements of deadly verification, and remorseless checking, relentless following of each and every lead, will give you either future success, or present non-involvement with people, organizations, places and events that you should not be engaged in in the first place.

To the extent that you question your own self-worth, your own stand, and you own perception, is to the extent that you completely destroy your own ability to follow the aforementioned path.

The path that I am describing is the path for an individual who has a self-chosen destined resolve, a specific place to get to, a precise target acquisition, an extraordinarily clear personal mission and vision statements, strategic plans, tactical plans, objectives and goal acquisition handled.

The reason that there are so few successes is the failure of individuals to assess that they don't know what they don't know.

If one is hard on oneself, and remorseless in their own assessment of their own knowledge, they will find that they know almost nothing about anyone other than what they were told. That almost none of it is checked.

That includes spouses, where the kids were, who is teaching them, what your company is doing (unless it is your own company), what the future's actual meta-plan or mega-plans are of any of the people, organizations or groups that you are dealing with.

That means that life occurs as a series of crisis or complete surprises for most people, because they did not assess the motivation, game plan, and the acquisition plan of the people they are dealing with.

This failure of accurate assessment will be absolutely coupled with an inability to acquire and store, save, financial well-being money, stocks and property.

The exceptions to the rule, the millionaires, or the people making $400,000 per year, compared to the hundreds of millions in the average population who are simply going from pay check-to-paycheck is the truth of this statement.

Hardly anyone dares to declare that they are going to become rich, then write a plan to make that happen, and then execute that plan; ask all the questions necessary around there goals, plans, assessments, strategies and tactics to be certain that they are able to do it.

I believe that the general malaise by an individual about their own boundaries, self-worth and destined resolve is so low, that they are not outraged, bothered or strongly motivated to not let those things happen to them.

When an individual has a specifically targeted goal, in a specific direction, they are far more difficult to defraud, cheat, or otherwise take advantage of or knock off course. It is the people who are simply looking for the next great thing who become easy victims, or easy prey. Individuals who stand for nothing fall for everything.

The specific purpose of this observation is to cause an inquiry in an individual going through super-order to validate, verify everything, and to get specific information about specific components of their life having to do with the reliability of, the trustworthiness of, the accurateness of, the precision of the people, events, things, buildings, plans, trips, games, etc.

Most people don't do that because they are unaware of the cost of not doing it.

Much as the bird is unaware of the 15' Amazonian Python that follows the small head (about the size of a golf-ball) that is moving towards them very slowly.

The end result is always the same . . . Amazonian Pythons 32, birds 0. There has never been a Python fall prey to a parrot.

In one of my prior writings, I have said that at all times, it is bears 200, deer 0; matadors 21, bulls 2; those are not statistical observations that anyone would want to engage their life savings in opposing.

If one looks at life in the following manner, that it doesn't make any difference, and that it doesn't make any difference that it doesn't make any difference; and that you live your life as if it makes all the difference in the world; and that you are in control of that choice, life can become, even if it is only your second in time, something worth doing. You will then, for your second in time, not be buffeted by individuals who have no clue about where they are going, what they are doing, or how long it will last.

This realization takes exactly one second. It is actually not a place in time, it simply exists. You can choose it; you can take a stand and say

"Who I am is worth verifying every single thing that I am engaged in, or contiguous to, as if my life depended on it, because it does.

This will allow you to demand individuals to verify what they say. It allows you to require that they verify their education, their bank-accounts, their last big deal they did. It requires that they give you a release so you can talk to their lawyer, their stock-broker, their accountant. Because an individual who is truly wealthy, and truly successful does not mind.

One who says:

"We can't ask this person that question because they are so [important] rich."

is first a fool, and secondly a participant in the fraud, knowingly or unknowingly. Anyone who does not think enough of themselves to require that any facts presented to them be immediately verifiable, that it be immediately checked out; that the individual presenting the facts be completely willing to verify it, or cause the verification to occur, not by words, but by hard evidence.

Not by a letter with a bank's (or lawyer's, or stockbroker's header) header on it, or a lawyer's header on it; that is the farthest thing from verification that I can think of. I mean, something where you can find the building, look at the money in the account, find the business that they owned; find that they were on the business and sold it; talk to the purchaser of their last business or house, and verify the last successful transaction that they did.

If you are going to invest the only major assets you have, your time, effort, money, direction and reputation you must verify everything.

This will reduce, in a very short period of time, the amount of time you are spending on endeavors that are not worth doing. It also will have you be looked at, for a very short period of time as a person who is very difficult to deal with, who has no hope, who is too strict, and too stern or, in general, one not to be around. That was also said if J. Paul Getty and others.

Yes they are, and they are all billionaires. So if you take a look at who you want to take a look at as a benchmark and model, it would be more valuable for you to understand that you should use those people, their technology, their demands that every single thing they were told be verified, that it be true, and if it is not true they won't deal with that individual any more. This is the first step in being that kind of a person.

Indecision is another sign of low-self esteem.

Indecision is couched in terms of "should I, or shouldn't I?" "When is the best time?" I say that indecision is probably one of the single greatest personality deficiencies that will cause failure and bad choices that will lead to slow failure. The quickest way to develop your wisdom and judgment capacity is to take action, and then to correct that which action has proved will not work, and leave in and enhance what action has proved will work and as functional.

Most people spend 90% of their time in inaction and indecision.

When you look at great leaders, you will find that almost all of them were called "Men (or women) of action.", and all they have is a willingness to take a risk, and the great ones will then truly make additional choices based upon the workability of what they did and the unworkability of what they did. Poor leaders do not change course.

They have the character defect of being unwilling to acknowledge any errors. True error is being unwilling to acknowledge error. True leadership is to look for the best way to discard what doesn't work, and to continue to enhance what does work.

When excellent leaders fall prey to indecision, their leadership fails; not because they lost the ability to assess and analyze, but they momentarily lost the ability to act.

In my article called The Warrior, there is a continual call for action; not blind action, but directed, cold and calculated action, patiently applied to a single goal. Individuals who question themselves allot cannot fly airplanes, cannot fly space-craft, cannot captain ships, cannot be football quarter-backs, cannot take advantage of momentary tactical opportunities, cannot take advantage of momentary tactical lapses by their opponent because the question always comes up, "Should I or shouldn't I?"

There is a great Arabian parable that says:

"There were two donkeys tied between two bales of hay and they starved to death, in that neither one of them would change his direction and go to the other bale of hay to eat."

An Indian parable of the same nature is of the monkey who came out of the woods:

"The monkey came out of the woods into town, and he found a large jar of his favorite nuts. He reached inside and grabbed a handful, and then became unable to pull his hand out, and was unwilling to let the nuts go from his hand.

The tiger came out of the woods, and walked towards the monkey. It is said that all that was found was a small hand clutching the nuts inside the jar."

It is that kind of rigidity or inability to move towards the common goal, or the inability to perceive what effective action will produce the desired result that has destroy more good plans, good men and women, and good relationships than anything else in the world.

A specific poignant and tragic example of this concept is the Vietnam War . . .No specific was, no specific strategy, no specific win or lose proposal. An example of effective action within the next 30-year period was Desert Storm. There were specifically designated objectives, goals and time frames. This was a complete success because there was a road map to follow.

The same concepts hold true in war and business. More importantly, war and business is nothing more than human beings written large, and joined one to the other. The value of reading war strategy, and looking at game plans and strategic thinking is to bring those tactics down into your individual human life.

If you have a difficulty conceptualizing yourself, than I suggest that you read Genghis Kahn, Rudyard Kipling, Sun Tsu, The Art of War, or Von Klauswitz on War, written in the 1800's. I urge you to look at things that General Sherman in the Civil War, General Patton in World War II said with regard to battle and plans, and then to action.

The purpose of this piece is to move you forward whether or not you are of a mind of a warrior or not. The purpose of this piece is to give you heart, courage, strength and direction.

It is to point you towards words written when the world was at stake, when America was at stake, when lives were at stake, and action executed during the same time periods when the same momentous consequences were at stake. You will find little written in today's world specifically conceptualizing this concept.

Languaging, including morals, virtue, doing the right thing is fine. I promise you that with a man of force and power doing the right thing, you will get a much bigger result than with a man who is not so endowed.

This is about choosing who you be, what you be, and how you be. Choosing it, creating it, and executing it.

None of this requires that you diminish your belief in God, your own personal spirit or morals. What this does require you to do is to write down, with great specificity, what you are up to, what you stand for, what you are willing to tolerate, what your boundaries are, how you exercise your own judgment, what your checklist is for successful living, and most importantly, how you want to be perceived.

If you don't choose how you want to be perceived, you will be perceived how anyone chooses to perceive you.

My choice is that no one has a choice as to how they perceive me. They perceive me wrong at their peril, not mine. That is not a consequential statement having to do with fierce force; what it has to do with is that you may as well, because if you don't, you won't be perceived as anything. This will have continuing, negative diminishing consequences in your life.

YOU CANNOT DEAL WITH COMPLEX CONCEPTS IN THE MIDDLE OF CHAOTIC CRISIS.

Cloaking: Human Predators in a Divorce:
By J. Michael Kelly, Esq.

Preeminent Family Law Attorneys:

• J. Micheal Kelly, Esq.
• Steven Fernandez, Esq.
• Craig Nadai, Esq.
• Les Rabel, Esq.